Pseudonyms for the young’uns

There seem to be two types of blogger parents on the internet: those who use pseudonyms for their kids, and those who don’t.

I think the only problem I have with the pseudonymers is that they inspire me to thoughtful reflections such as: Oh crap, are my kids in mortal danger because I’ve used their first names on the internet???!!!

Hope no one learns my secret identity!

Hope no one learns my secret identity!

My father is really big on privacy. This adds to my general paranoia. “Never tell anybody anything ever about anything! Less than that, if possible!” is the philosophy he raised me on. And this is BEFORE widespread use of the internet. This is just your average run of the mill caveman safety protocol, as far as he’s concerned. “What’s my name? None of your g.d. freakin’ business, you weirdo pervert! Jerk! Get away from me!”

And then I go ahead and say things like, “And Hank, age 4, dug a tunnel across our property line to bury and detonate secret fire crackers.” Or whatever crazy thing he’s done lately. Β “Gwen, age 2, has stolen the neighbor’s gnome and has repainted its nose a flaming purple after removing its ears.”

I hear sirens at this very moment.

No one will ever recognize me in these shades!

No one will ever recognize me in these shades!

And the pseudonyms that bloggers use are always so painfully cutely adorable. “Munchkin scrumpkin jolly baby squid” or some such. Good lord, I already came up with names for these people, do I have to do it again?

Do these pseudonymers think that DSS or CPS, or whatever acronym the Child Police are using these days, has access to their blog? Because if this is true, I guess I’m genuinely screwed.

“Olivia, age 9, lined up Daddy’s beer cans on the fence so she and her friends could bet pennies on who could knock down the most by throwing empty shotgun shells at them.”

Why is the phone ringing?

Olivia is reduced to wearing a disguise to protect what's left of her privacy...

And if the kids hate that I’ve been talking about them and revealing their secret superhero identity, they can always change their names.

Like I did. Like my husband did.

Like my oldest did.

Names are a dime a dozen. My little petunia fluffy bunny nut.

The names in this story have been changed to protect the innocent.

(Oh, crap, I forgot to change the names, didn’t I? “Go see who’s at the door, uber-cutey-love!”)

"Who's that trip-trappin' over my bridge?" Garth in battle helmet guards the family estate

12 responses to “Pseudonyms for the young’uns

  1. Ha – I do use pseudonyms on my blog. One of them is even Munchkin! I chose that because that’s her actual nickname in our house. My husband started calling her that when she was just a little baby (often shortened to just Munch even). He also calls my other daughter Sweets, so that is her bloggy name. I often call her Honey Bear at home, but that may be even worse than Sweets!

    My main reason for using pseudonyms on my blog is because I have kept my blog private from my family. I just don’t want my family finding or reading my blog. Sometimes I write about them! I feel like not using their names makes it less searchable. I have also considered that it could be embarrasing to my kids when they are older, considering that my main topics are breastfeeding and developmental delay.

    While I do post photos, I am not that worried about people just stumbling across my blog and noticing that it is us. I think we are more likely to be found via a search.

    • I hadn’t even considered keeping something private from people you know, I always figured people were being cautious about strangers or creepy acquaintances or whatnot. None of my family and only a few of my friends can be bothered to read my stuff (or if they do read it, they never comment or let me know in any way!) so no worries for me there! πŸ˜€

  2. I haven’t used a pseudonym at all as is obvious, possibly worse still is the fact that we actually own the DNS of G’s name. What we are rather wary of is posting identifiable photos, which we have avoided so far, even on Facebook.
    We did at one time host our own photo album behind a secure log-in so only for family and friends.
    I suppose all depends on what you’re comfortable with.

    • I just don’t know how I was raised by my father the way he is but I’m being so reckless… it just seemed humorous when I sat down to think/write about it! πŸ˜€

  3. I keep our boys’ names private because I am often writing about things that they might find really embarrassing later on. People who know them say that the temperament names of Hare, Owl and Butterfly describe them well – but it gives them a bit of distance. My blog is my stuff and I am so conscious of not putting my stuff on to them. If I was writing like you do, a more of a diary I probably would use their real names – which just happen to be Munchkin, Jim-Bob and Flower-Petal. πŸ™‚

    • I hope my kids aren’t pissed at me one day for the stuff I say about them. But, you know, they’re going to be pissed at me for something, so it might as well be for my art. πŸ˜€

  4. Ha! This whole post is hilarious! My whole name, Dylan’s whole name, and pictures of both of us are plastered all over the internet. I read other posts of people worrying about this-or-that, but it’s just not something I’m concerned with. The online world is integrated into my whole life. It wouldn’t work for me to try to section off parts of it.

    • I think this is part of it for me — hating the feeling of keeping parts of my life separate. I know there are people for whom this is an imperative, for safety reasons or just for the possibility that an overly-sensitive boss or relative will cause trouble. But being compartmentalized is so hard. And unsatisfying.

  5. I use them, for DH too, because of his former job
    I find myself wishing I was even more careful a lot of the times. but I can’t take that back.

    • There are definitely scenarios that demand caution, some jobs, and I even know some women who are avoiding violent ex-partners who need to stay under the radar. Be safe, my friend!

  6. thanks and thanks so much for visiting my blog!

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