When I was in the pre-teen/early teen years, I could always guarantee myself the most profound feeling of satisfaction by the end of the day, simply by completely a list of certain chores:
- Clean out dog’s pen, water and food dish.
- Clean out guinea pigs cages, water bottles, line their cages with fresh grass and give them a pile of pellets.
- Tidy, dust and vacuum my room.
- Launder my sheets then make my bed up nice.
- Take a shower.
- Organize my books by author or subject, or whatever my whim happened to be.
Mind you, these days were few and far between. But when I made it happen, I would lay in bed that night feeling completely and utterly fulfilled in my existence. I had set all right with the world.
I haven’t felt that in a long, long time.
Even on a day like today, when I’ve gotten so much done already (almost 4 p.m. now), it doesn’t matter. Before I fall asleep I’ll feel like the biggest failure, slacker, my to-do list still weighing me down.
So far today I’ve:
- Done a load of laundry.
- Run a load of dishes through the dishwasher (after having put away a load of clean ones).
- Watered front and back garden.
- Done some weeding, mulching and some trimming of bushes.
- Harvested some zucchini and cucumbers.
- Snaked out our shower drain (finally.)
- Hemmed my new work pants (finally.)
- Answered a work email.
- Taken the dog out several times, fed and watered him.
- Played games and puzzles with kids.
- Prepared and served breakfast, lunch and a snack.
- Wiped down counters and dining table.
- Made my bed.
- Changed Gwen about 5 times, two of which were poopy.
And probably some other stuff I’ve forgotten. Pretty typical day. I’m certainly not a failure or a slacker.
I just feel like one all the time.
I wonder if I can ever get back to where I can feel good about my day? When enough will once again feel like enough?