Tag Archives: blog

One a Day

I need to get back to publishing one post a day.

When I let myself skip, it’s bad times.

I judge everything I want to say. Whereas when I’m doing one post a day, I just figure I have to write something, so there’s no point in censoring myself so heavily.

I come up with all kinds of excuses that don’t take away my feeling of failure. “I don’t have the time, don’t have the energy, don’t have the quiet to think straight.” Phooey.

I feel like there’s a huge hole in my life. I’d like to feel like there’s a huge whole in my life. A whole collection of thoughts, visions, ideas, prayers.

I don’t read anyone else’s blog. A part of me feels resentful that other people are writing and being read, so if I’m not writing, then I get bitter and refuse to participate. Gross. I much prefer to be in the thick of things, hanging out with my blogging cyberfriends and discovering new voices.

So I’ll give it a shot. Lately been feeling down due to my garden flailing pathetically – tomato plants frozen, half my basil lost to frost, had to replant zucchinis, and I’m pretty sure  my apple trees have cedar rust, which sounds like a bear to deal with. (One solution I read about was to buy rust-resistant varieties such as gala. Yeah. That’s what we bought. Now what? Depend on poisonous expensive sprays forever? 😛 ) My conversation class is over, don’t know when or if I’ll get to teach again. It’s taking me forever to finish the quilt. I’ve quit one of my moderator jobs, and the other two are kind of on the back burner. This Amendment One garbage is bumming me out in a big way. Our financial sitch looms large. Et cetera, et cetera.

It’s not my favorite thing to write when I’m feeling terribly whiny.

But it’s even suckier not to write at all.

Facebook plug

This is why I shouldn’t look at stats.

Yesterday I had 151 hits. WordPress says it links to a Facebook plug, but it won’t show me exactly where. So surely it must be someone I don’t even know, or else it would show up on my Facebook feed?

Anyway, my stats go from around 10 per day to 151. But resulting in only a couple of comments, and those are from 1. A dear fellow blogger who comments all the time and 2. A wonderful blogger on whose blog I just commented yesterday. Absurd.

I hate numbers sometimes. I like people, face to face, talking, sharing, laughing, mulling things over in a communal setting. Ideally over food.

I have come to like math though, don’t get me wrong. I have come to appreciate the poetry of it, the tidy organized reality of how numbers fit together like a puzzle.

But statistics? The thing that makes students cry when forced to study it? The thing that rules our lives, that we beat each other over the head with to prove that we are right and they are stupid?

Not much love there.

I want to be read. I want to be heard, but also to be commented on and challenged. Tell me where my logic fails, tell me how I made you feel, tell me if I have spoken the words you wanted to say or if I am just blowing hot air.

Go on. I can take it.

Priorities

Yesterday I cleaned my house (the front rooms, anyway) until it was sparkly. Then I hosted the homeowner’s association, of which I am the secretary and thus took all the notes.

I also made cookies and brownies.

I kept the children from bothering my husband, who was working at home all day in the study (writing.)

I paid a bunch of bills.

I spent a lot of time with the little ones, supervising their play outside, reading books, playing legos.

I fulfilled my duties at an online forum for which I am a moderator.

I walked and fed the dog, helped my husband edit his writing, made sure my daughter made it to the school dance, fixed a lovely lunch, and planted the fig tree my husband bought from the nursery.

Yesterday evening, my husband, who never makes a peep when the house is a complete wreck, which is most of the time, thoughtfully said, “The house looks amazing. It feels really comfortable.”

To which I responded, “Today was the first day all year that I didn’t write a blog post. When the house is clean, I’m not writing.”

And here I am today, before anyone wakes up, hoping I can get this last sentence in before the insanity starts.

Must-Read Blog for Parents

Karyn at kloppenmum has so much to share with those of us on the path of parenting: great anecdotes, well reasoned ideas, inspired perspectives and the valuable support of her warm, non-judgmental approach.

Here’s how she describes herself on her blog:

kloppenmum is me, Karyn Van Der Zwet, mother of three and ex-teacher. I’m part of a revolution in parenting, with the aim to raise mature (not sophisticated) and self-assured children. My challenge: read at least three posts and leave at least one comment. (Lurkers confuse me.) Then, why not join the revolution?

I was lured in with the idea of revolution, based as it seems to be on attachment parenting and a healthy balance of seemingly opposite ideas, such as giving children respect but also limits.

The revolution as she presents it doesn’t seem to be something distant and impossible, but rather close to home, and within one’s own heart. It’s not based on concretized manifestos that mandate behaviors but instead allows for and actually encourages individuals to work within their own situation, listen to their own intuition and take into account each child’s personality and needs.

I appreciate being inspired without being commanded, being reasoned with but not being judged, being presented with wonderful new ideas and theories while at the same time being encouraged to mull them over and share my own interpretation instead of being required to accept them whole cloth.

So, why not join the revolution, or at least pop over to kloppenmum and see what it’s all about?

Post 100

Begin fireworks on my mark.

I’ve been trying for days to think of something really special to do for this post.

Why? One hundred isn’t even my favorite number. I should have made 88 be the special post.

Everyone else seems to think it’s a milestone. Triple digits and whatnot.

But I am currently at the bottom of a deep pit of self-loathing due to my habitual reaction to the wheel of fortune spinning me down into the mire of every damn lousy thing blowing up in my face at once. It’s one of those moments when you realize you’ve spent the last few weeks juggling a dozen eggs, and then your hand cramped up, and now they are all shattered at your feet. And you know you are supposed to cheerfully shrug and go get some more eggs and start over. But you just want to stomp them and shriek, turn and walk away.

As a somewhat serendipitous slap in the face, my husband just this morning emailed me a link to someone else’s blog post that he had enjoyed yesterday. Super interesting, glad he shared it. I highly recommend it if you are interested in the subject of teenagers and how to parent them (even though dude appears to only have an 8 year old. It will be interesting to see what he’s writing when the kid’s 16). But it only served to remind me that, in good company with billions of other people, my husband doesn’t read my blog posts.

Jealousy is a bitter little bitch, isn’t she?

So here is my 100th post. I’ve honored the occasion by spitting on the floor, whining into my coffee, and just generally being a pithering little wretch.

It’s my party and I’ll cry, oh I guarantee at some point I will wail like a baby, if I want to.

Aaaaaaaand – fireworks.

*cricket*

 

Where’s my medal?

I’m amused by the new motivational tactics of the WordPress site – how it sets a goal for me (it’s always a number of posts… how can they be sure that I’m not hoping to cut red meat from my diet or grow a great crop of carrots?) and then gives me a big ol’ cyber pat on the back for my latest accomplishment.

I’m coming up on post 100 – surely there will be some kind of music playing when I hit “publish,” a little John Phillips Sousa with the sound of fireworks in the background should get me where I need to be.

Are we just all so indoctrinated by school and whatnot that we need the lure of a piece of candy to get anything done around here?

These WordPress people aren’t working out of a windowless, unmarked van, are they?

Still, it’s cute. I’ll take kudos wherever I can get them.

My latest motivation to post, other than not wanting to disappoint my mentors here at WordPress, has been just to get one up every day. Purely chronologically-driven writing schedule. Did you wake up? Has the date on your cellphone changed? Then post something already.

So far so good.

What do you use to motivate you to write?

The Nature of a Blog

I had the insane idea this morning that I should challenge myself to write one post a day every day next year.

Talk about setting oneself up for failure.

What I come up against, over and over, is polished versus organic.

Is the goal of this blog to have shiny, perfect essays with which to dazzle readers?

The idea pops into my head when I see the amazing things other people consistently do with their blogs. I covet the appearance of being an award-winning, high traffic site.

The reality is, my current circumstances do not allow for me to even finish a sentence, much less a thought. This frustrates me to no end, but should I sit in silence because I can’t turn out the most amazing post you ever saw?

No, if I sit for a minute and forget about what everyone else is doing, I don’t think the value of my blog, or my life for that matter, is to be grandstandingly impressive. No one ever has or ever will look at me or get to know me and think, holy crap, she’s hella polished, dude!

My chocolate chip cookies are going to look imperfect, but taste awesome.

My children will go out in public in mismatched clothes, but be kind and polite (that’s the goal, anyway!)

My hair will be wild but clean.

My garden will look like a jungle but will yield deliciousness (knock wood.)

My blog will be a disorganized ramble, but will be accessible, useful, inspired, or inspiring. Sometimes all at once.

If you’re along for the ride, it might seem like I don’t have a map. Cuz I don’t. Who knows where we’re going. But we’re going to hit a couple great restaurants on the way, all of which look like dives on the outside but serve authentic grub on the inside. We’re going to meet some real people who tell us some great stories and show us where the non-touristy, must-see spots are. We won’t think twice about sittin’ a spell, watchin’ the flora and fauna until we’ve soaked in that moment in time and it becomes a part of us, more than any paper photo or digitally recorded image could ever be.

The Wise Way may not be clearly marked, smoothly paved or dotted with modernized rest stops, but it’ll get us where we need to be.

New Approach

I was able to get myself to actually sit down and write when I made a list of all the things I was going to talk about and publicly announced it. I might have to use this to keep things flowing.

Upcoming posts:

–wine
–neighbors
–spirituality, parenthood and the dark night of the soul
–freeform gardening
–reflections on The Desert Pilgrim

There. Now I’ll feel like I can’t blow it off.

Quiet Times

I think about this blog every day. I have a million reasons why I don’t actually post anything. A lot of them have to do with the fact that there is no quiet time in my real world, thus all is quiet in my cyber world.

When I get on the computer I waste time on Facebook and some assorted parenting gathering sites, always hoping I will walk into some deep connection or learn something new. Almost unfailingly disappointed. The only times I feel satisfied is when I’ve posted something or I read the wonderful posts on the blogs of those people I’ve found who have something I need to hear.

This was supposed to be the space where, if nothing else, I can connect deeply with my own self, arranging my thoughts on “paper” and trying to make sense of “it all.”

Here are some posts that I am officially promising myself that I will post in the very near future:

— my recent dream about my Grandma
— my relationship with my new neighborhood
— my longing for spiritual companionship
— my relationship with my faraway family members
— progress (or the lack thereof) on my quest for a career/vocation

That’s all that’s coming to mind right now. It’s enough to start with.