Tag Archives: fulfillment

No Satisfaction

When I was in the pre-teen/early teen years, I could always guarantee myself the most profound feeling of satisfaction by the end of the day, simply by completely a list of certain chores:

  1. Clean out dog’s pen, water and food dish.
  2. Clean out guinea pigs cages, water bottles, line their cages with fresh grass and give them a pile of pellets.
  3. Tidy, dust and vacuum my room.
  4. Launder my sheets then make my bed up nice.
  5. Take a shower.
  6. Organize my books by author or subject, or whatever my whim happened to be.

Mind you, these days were few and far between. But when I made it happen, I would lay in bed that night feeling completely and utterly fulfilled in my existence. I had set all right with the world.

I haven’t felt that in a long, long time.

Even on a day like today, when I’ve gotten so much done already (almost 4 p.m. now), it doesn’t matter. Before I fall asleep I’ll feel like the biggest failure, slacker, my to-do list still weighing me down.

So far today I’ve:

  1. Done a load of laundry.
  2. Run a load of dishes through the dishwasher (after having put away a load of clean ones).
  3. Watered front and back garden.
  4. Done some weeding, mulching and some trimming of bushes.
  5. Harvested some zucchini and cucumbers.
  6. Snaked out our shower drain (finally.)
  7. Hemmed my new work pants (finally.)
  8. Answered a work email.
  9. Taken the dog out several times, fed and watered him.
  10. Played games and puzzles with kids.
  11. Prepared and served breakfast, lunch and a snack.
  12. Wiped down counters and dining table.
  13. Made my bed.
  14. Changed Gwen about 5 times, two of which were poopy.

And probably some other stuff I’ve forgotten. Pretty typical day. I’m certainly not a failure or a slacker.

I just feel like one all the time.

I wonder if I can ever get back to where I can feel good about my day? When enough will once again feel like enough?

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Life is But a Dream

The most creative "work in progress" house ever - Northampton County, NC (photo by Lilly Crowheart)

How do you judge your house?  By its outward appearance?  By the furniture you can afford?  By the atmosphere contained within?  By its level of cleanliness and organization?

Can a home be a tool, purposefully used to support a life consciously lived?

Some ideas I have for a new life in a new house:

  • Our home is a place we belong, a safe place to rest and reflect, a homebase for anything we want to pursue and anywhere we want to explore
  • The house is a solid frame through which we look at The Big Picture; when something seems troubling or wrong in our lives, we can take a moment to ground ourselves in its solid foundation and see the context to understand the true magnitude of the worrying detail
  • Owning a home is the freedom and the ability to make the space in our home serve our needs – to build, decorate and adapt to create the atmosphere and amenities that support the life we envision

    Chaos is Creativity - a source of joy

  • Perfection is a naive and absurd pursuit – the real joy and value is in creating, adapting and enjoying a work in progress

March 30, 2011 is like a day of birth, a moment beyond which our lives will be transformed.  Buying our new home is an event that no one can ever take away; it is the fulfillment of a dream.  We can live that dream to the best of our abilities every day thereafter.