Tag Archives: marriage

Can’t Stand the Heat; Getting Out of the Kitchen

This photo was recently posted on my friend’s Facebook page:

Kind of a welcome message of sanity after the whole Christian vs. Bible-thumper vs. rational thinker circus that happened here in North Carolina during the Amendment One fiasco.

Here’s a comment that one of her friends posted:

I think you all miss the point and satan is winning by splitting the church. Why is it that agreeing WITH the Bible that clearly states marriage is between a man and a woman AND standing with God now all of a sudden Hate? I think you all need to look in the mirror, seek God to convict your heart and ask the Holy Spirit to help you see and understand exactly what you are being manipulated into. Abortion is losing popularity and we can only pray that legalized murder cloaked as a womans right is stopped soon. Abortion is not birth control, if someone cannot control themself then put God’s child uo for adoption where a loving family can provide the love and care he or she deserves. I do not understand how compromising God’s Holy Word is denying rights there is NOTHING equal about a man and a man being married as there is to a man and a woman being married. Are we really trying to become a nation of Soddom and Gamora, really? We know where it got them… Please pray about this, Please.

To which one can only respond, “Heavens to Betsy!”

But after the opposing view had its say, this wise soul added a smidgen more (which I edited to eliminate personal details that might identify the original poster or the commenter) (also, I don’t actually expect you to read this whole slew of nonsense, just put it here to make my point):

There are several verses in the bible, and before I begin I am not trying to take a stand of hate, I pray for anyone that struggles with homosexual feelings just as I do for someone that struggles with alcohol, drugs, not knowing Christ as their personal savior, the first 3 are sins and the bible states if you are living in sin knowingly it is detestable to God, whether homosexuality, alcohol or drug addiction. Continuing to practice without a desire to turn from it or change is not accepting Christ so it is not just the homosexual that risks not going to heaven it is anyone that does not turn from their sin. Most of the verses in the bible do not refer to “homosexual” most of them refer to words such as Leviticus 18:22 “Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable.” Leviticus 20:13 “If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable…” Romans 1:26-27 “Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion.” 1 Corinthians 6 “Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.” The point is that the bible states that many types of sins will be exclusion from Heaven, so many think that just asking Jesus into their heart is all that they have to do and that is not it, you must take up His cross and expect to be condemned as He was as written in Matthew 16:24-27 “Then Jesus said to his disciples, If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. 25 For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. 26 What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul? 27 For the Son of Man is going to come in his Fathers glory with his angels, and then he will reward each person according to what he has done.” The verse in Matthew that goes with Luke 6:37, Matthew 7:1 “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” Meaning if you judge with hatred or without knowing all of the facts (jumping to conclusions) that is how others will judge you, if you judge harshly you will be judged harshly, I am not sure how this comes into play in this discussion, other than you feel that I am judging which I have stated to you in previous posts I am not doing that I pray for them as others, I know many who are and they respect my conviction on this and our relationship is fine and they know that I pray for them daily, without hate. The part that I do not understand is this has been on most state and most other nations laws for centuries, in fact before 1994 or somewhere there about the old Greek dynasty was the only culture to allow homosexuality and they fell as a nation. Currently there are only, I believe 19 of 268 nations worldwide that allow homosexuality (you can verify on Wikipedia, many nations still enact punishment by death as cited in the Old Testament – Thank God we are under a new covenant). The above post referring to Matthew 12:31 is not just taking the name in vain it is referring to giving glory to Satan for work that the Holy Spirit performed such as stating that when someone is healed saying that it is the works of the devil is blasphemy against the Holy Spirit, ALL other sins are forgivable but not if you continually commit them, God will forgive you if you get drunk but will not forgive if you are a drunkard, God will forgive if you commit a homosexual act but will not forgive if you refuse to turn away from what God states is detestable, God does not changes and for the many that think that simply asking for forgiveness gives the license to continue will be sadly mistaken at judgment and the sadder part is that many individuals that practice homosexuality to not feel that they are committing a sin and will never ask for forgiveness, that is the saddest part, many believe that most or all will go to heaven and I believe that is a mistake, there is a church called the Emergent Church, one of its leaders Rob Bell (wrote a book called Velvet Elvis (and others) very popular on the Christian circuit) that states all will go to heaven and pretty much contradicts the Bible in complete errant disregard that God’s word does not change just because society does, Bible based teaching churches are trying to get the message out that it is incorrect teaching, I do want to go back to your comment regarding freedom of religion and can’t help think what it would be like if we allowed Sharia law and the way that they treat women and have a right to kill family members if they do not follow the law, please do not take this as an attack on Muslim as it is not, I pray for them as well and pray that our world can get along at some point but also believe that much of this is exactly according to God’s greater plan. I am sorry, I am not trying to make you angry nor challenge you I am simply stating my belief’s and not trying to challenge what you are stating, the post was on my page as well, (I am not asking you to defriend me as I am not wanting to defriend you) I pray that we can both have differing opinions and even be convicted with where we stand and not have it turn into a hate fest between friends. God Bless You and I hope that you know in your heart that I am not trying to attack you I am simply stating my views as well and do welcome your feedback and comments. Please disregard all of my grammatical errors, not that I even notice them but I know that they are there.

To which I can only say, I give up. I cannot imagine wholeheartedly adopting the Christian faith and have to listen to this on a regular basis. I cannot and will not ever take the Bible literally. I really do NOT see how limiting Spirit to words on a page is a constructive exercise. I see it as the act of a childish person too afraid to think for themselves.

I do believe in Jesus. I believe he is the Son of God. I believe he died on the cross to save humanity. I believe he worked miracles, and that he was resurrected.

But I cannot be associated with these people. I cannot say “I am a Christian” and risk people thinking I agree with even half of what these people say. I’d rather say “I’m a Buddhist” and have them simply be worried that I’m going to hell. (Because after all, isn’t that what a label is for? Presenting a certain face to the world, who is going to judge you based on the string of syllables coming out of your mouth? When no one can ever really give a name to their personal relationship with Spirit?)

There’s nothing in Buddhism that precludes me believing in Jesus or studying the Bible, or anything else for that matter. But there is plenty in “Christianity” that says, “OH NO! Don’t step/look/think/be over there! That’s oogey-boogey land! The cooties will surely send you to hell!”

Done. I need to be done with this struggle, and come to peace with the fact that I can’t, as Thich Nhat Hanh recommends, return to my spiritual roots, which is Christianity in general, the Catholic faith specifically. Can’t do it. I can still learn from and interact with the people and the texts and ideas. I can still accept Jesus as The Way, but I can’t adopt “Christianity” as my foundation and my path. I’m done.

Money Madness

They say that if you have chronic money troubles, it’s because you have wrong perceptions, attitudes or practices when it comes to finances. You hold a wrong view of money and what it means.

I believe it.

I know that one of my assumptions is that there isn’t enough. That you have to struggle to get it. That spending it demonstrates self-worth, so when you don’t have it to spend, you are worthless, and then when you get some, you spend it into feeling better about yourself.

Knowing that stuff like that is floating around in my head, it doesn’t surprise me that I come regularly into dry spells like the current one. Trying to make it to tax return time, trying to spend nothing, feeling like a pathetic wretch.

I spent a year doing the mandatory budgeting for the Habitat for Humanity homeowner program. I learned a lot, and I really did my best to get things in order. But I feel like I never really got a grip on things.

Of course, when you’re in a marriage, you can only take on 50% of the responsibility. The rest of it falls on the decisions the other person makes. I remember as a single parent making it work on next to nothing. I had no formal budget, I didn’t save anything or work toward any better future, but I had no debt and I paid all my bills on time.

Now I am still the one officially in charge of the finances, but it feels like there is a little (sometimes big) hole in the pocketbook through which unknown amounts of money are going to randomly escape at unknown intervals.

Throughout the whole year of budgeting, I wished so much that I could try my hand at managing a livable amount of money, instead of poverty wages. What could I do, in terms of saving, paying off debt, (investing, even?) if I had a regular amount of money coming in that was actually enough to cover the basics. I really don’t think it’s fair for me to pass judgment on my budgeting skills until I have that opportunity, and I’ve put the word out to the universe that I’d love the chance.

After all, there appear to be large amounts of money out there somewhere, funding those Hummers and huge houses and expensive dinners. If I change my attitude, and assume that the money could just as easily come into our home (after all, my husband does have a master’s degree and I have a bachelor’s… weren’t we told those expensive little pieces of paper were supposed to pay off somehow?), then maybe I could have the chance to manage money responsibly and avoid these painfully thirsty treks through financial deserts.

Dixie Comes Home

We got our van (named Dixie) back today after a week and a half, two new tires, a new torque converter, a fixed leak in the engine somewhere or other, and about $800 spent.

Dixie When We First Got Her in 2008

Besides the return of mobility for 6 members of the family (my husband absolutely needs his car all the time for his job as a journalist), I think he and I might get something else out of this: a new way to handle stress and the interpersonal conflict that often results.

The van had been making horrible whirring and rubbing noises for awhile and I’d been getting more and more scared about what it might be, to the point where I’d drive down the road and terrifying images of wheels flying off and head-on collisions would pop into my inner vision.  (A word of advice: tire rotation is worth it.)

When I talk to my husband about potentially expensive issues, many times we end up having an argument.  Nothing serious, but nothing pleasant for either of us.  One of the downsides to being poor is not having the luxury to calmly discuss matters which threaten to sink you further into the hole you try every day to climb out of.

But does it have to be this way?

After I’d transferred the car seats to the van this morning and prepared to go home from the mechanic’s, I gave my husband a hug and kiss and thanked him for handling the problem for me (I don’t dare try to deal with mechanics because I’m sure they would overcharge a small, polite woman like me.  Whether this is a valid concern or not, all mechanic-dealings go through my husband.)  I felt truly grateful that he had listened to my feelings and took action to make things better.  And I could tell by the look on his face that he was relieved it was over and also feeling good that his family could now be carted around in a safe vehicle.

As I was driving home, an idea came to me: what if, the next time we need to discuss some expensive issue, we could first take a minute to picture the contentment and satisfaction of that moment hugging in the mechanic’s parking lot, visualize the chill in the air, the thin layer of snow on the world, our connection as a married team who can face anything — together.  Might the conversation go smoother?  Might we avoid feeling panic over the prospect of spending money, when we can remember what the end result can be?

Now all I have to do is remember to try it.

Do you have any creative tricks to remind yourself and others of connection and success, to smooth out a tense conversation or situation, to bolster confidence and encourage a spirit of cooperation?