I need to get back to publishing one post a day.
When I let myself skip, it’s bad times.
I judge everything I want to say. Whereas when I’m doing one post a day, I just figure I have to write something, so there’s no point in censoring myself so heavily.
I come up with all kinds of excuses that don’t take away my feeling of failure. “I don’t have the time, don’t have the energy, don’t have the quiet to think straight.” Phooey.
I feel like there’s a huge hole in my life. I’d like to feel like there’s a huge whole in my life. A whole collection of thoughts, visions, ideas, prayers.
I don’t read anyone else’s blog. A part of me feels resentful that other people are writing and being read, so if I’m not writing, then I get bitter and refuse to participate. Gross. I much prefer to be in the thick of things, hanging out with my blogging cyberfriends and discovering new voices.
So I’ll give it a shot. Lately been feeling down due to my garden flailing pathetically – tomato plants frozen, half my basil lost to frost, had to replant zucchinis, and I’m pretty sure my apple trees have cedar rust, which sounds like a bear to deal with. (One solution I read about was to buy rust-resistant varieties such as gala. Yeah. That’s what we bought. Now what? Depend on poisonous expensive sprays forever? 😛 ) My conversation class is over, don’t know when or if I’ll get to teach again. It’s taking me forever to finish the quilt. I’ve quit one of my moderator jobs, and the other two are kind of on the back burner. This Amendment One garbage is bumming me out in a big way. Our financial sitch looms large. Et cetera, et cetera.
It’s not my favorite thing to write when I’m feeling terribly whiny.
But it’s even suckier not to write at all.